Self-Validation

Definition

Self-Validation is the skill of recognizing, acknowledging, and accepting your own thoughts, emotions, sensations, and behaviors without judgment. It involves treating your internal experiences as real, understandable, and legitimate.

Purpose

Used to:

Build self-respect and self-compassion.
Reduce shame and self-criticism.
Increase emotional regulation by accepting what is.
Decrease dependence on external validation.

When to Use

Use Self-Validation when:

You notice harsh self-judgment or shame.
You feel emotionally overwhelmed and want to soothe yourself.
You are invalidating your own experiences (e.g., “I shouldn’t feel this way”).
You want to build confidence and trust in yourself.

When Not to Use

Avoid relying solely on Self-Validation if:

You are using validation to justify harmful behaviors.
You are avoiding taking responsibility for actions that affect others.
You need to take immediate problem-solving steps instead.

How-To

1. Observe and Describe

Notice and label what you feel without judgment.
“I feel angry and hurt right now.”

2. Acknowledge the Valid

Recognize why it makes sense you feel this way.
“Anyone in my situation might feel this.”

3. Normalize the Experience

Remember that emotions are human and universal.
“It’s okay to feel sad when I lose something important.”

4. Be Kind to Yourself

Use self-compassionate statements.
“This is hard, and I’m doing the best I can.”

5. Practice Non-Judgment

Avoid labeling feelings as bad or wrong.

Tips & Variations

Use a mirror or journal to practice validating statements aloud.
Pair Self-Validation with Wise Mind for clarity.
Create affirmations or mantras to remind yourself of your worth.

Example

Scenario: Eli feels guilty for needing time alone.

Self-Validation Practice:

Observe: “I feel guilty and selfish.”
Acknowledge: “I’ve always been told I should put others first.”
Normalize: “Needing alone time is a basic human need.”
Kindness: “It’s okay to take care of myself.”

Inventor / Origin

Self-Validation is a key component of DBT developed by Marsha Linehan. It draws on mindfulness practices and validation techniques from behavioral psychology and compassion-focused therapy.

Related Skills

Mindfulness
Non-Judgmental Stance
Radical Acceptance
Self-Soothing
Wise Mind

Limitations

May not be effective if:

You use it as an excuse for harmful behavior.
You haven’t developed skills to manage strong emotions.
It is used in isolation without other DBT skills.

Evidence Base

Research shows:

Self-Validation reduces emotional reactivity.
Increases resilience and coping.
Supports positive self-concept and well-being.

References

Linehan, M.M. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. Guilford Press.
Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.
Brach, T. (2003). Radical Acceptance.

Self-Validation – Additional DBT Tool