Loving Kindness Meditation – Additional DBT Tool

Loving Kindness Meditation

Definition

Loving Kindness Meditation (also called Metta Meditation) is a practice of directing warm, compassionate thoughts and well-wishes toward yourself and others. It helps cultivate empathy, connection, and positive emotions.

Purpose

Used to:

  • Increase feelings of goodwill, compassion, and acceptance.
  • Reduce anger, resentment, and self-criticism.
  • Strengthen emotional resilience.
  • Promote a sense of interconnectedness.

When to Use

Use Loving Kindness Meditation when:

  • You feel judgmental or critical of yourself or others.
  • You are struggling with loneliness or disconnection.
  • You want to enhance positive emotions.
  • You need to balance intense negative feelings with warmth.

When Not to Use

Avoid using if:

  • You are in crisis or experiencing overwhelming distress (start with grounding skills first).
  • You have unresolved trauma making compassion-based practices triggering.
  • You feel obligated rather than willing to engage.

How-To

1. Get Settled

  • Sit or lie down comfortably.
  • Close your eyes or lower your gaze.

2. Take a Few Deep Breaths

  • Center your attention on your breath.
  • Allow your body to relax.

3. Begin with Yourself

  • Silently repeat phrases of goodwill:

    • “May I be safe.”
    • “May I be happy.”
    • “May I be healthy.”
    • “May I live with ease.”

4. Extend to Someone You Care About

  • Bring a loved one to mind.

  • Repeat the phrases for them:

    • “May you be safe…happy…healthy…at ease.”

5. Extend to a Neutral Person

  • Imagine someone you don’t know well.
  • Offer them the same wishes.

6. Extend to Someone Difficult

  • Visualize someone with whom you have tension.
  • Offer them the phrases sincerely, if possible.

7. Extend to All Beings

  • Imagine all people and creatures.
  • “May all beings be safe…happy…healthy…at ease.”

8. Close the Practice

  • Take a few breaths.
  • Gently open your eyes.

Tips & Variations

  • Use guided audio to start.
  • If offering compassion to a difficult person feels too hard, skip that step.
  • Use imagery (e.g., sending light or warmth) to reinforce intention.
  • Keep sessions brief at first (5–10 minutes).

Example

Scenario: Marcus feels deep resentment toward a coworker.

Practice:

  1. Marcus sits comfortably and breathes deeply.
  2. He begins by offering compassion to himself.
  3. He visualizes his coworker and slowly repeats, “May you be happy, may you be at ease.”
  4. Though uncomfortable, he notices softening over time.

Inventor / Origin

Loving Kindness Meditation originates from:

  • Ancient Buddhist traditions.
  • Integrated into DBT by Marsha Linehan to enhance acceptance and positive affect.

Related Skills

  • Radical Acceptance
  • Self-Soothing
  • Mindfulness of Current Emotion
  • Turning the Mind

Limitations

May not be effective if:

  • Practiced while emotionally dysregulated without grounding first.
  • Attempted with unwillingness or resentment.
  • Used to suppress valid emotions rather than process them.

Evidence Base

Research shows:

  • Increases positive emotions and empathy.
  • Reduces symptoms of depression and anxiety.
  • Strengthens social connection and self-compassion.

Further Reading

References

  • Salzberg, S. (1995). Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness. Shambhala.
  • Linehan, M.M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual, Second Edition. Guilford Press.
  • Hofmann, S.G., Grossman, P., & Hinton, D.E. (2011). Loving-Kindness and Compassion Meditation: Potential for Psychological Interventions. Clinical Psychology Review, 31(7), 1126–1132.

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